No one can love another person for that person’s happiness or pleasure. There was a great sage, Yagyavalkya. He began to instruct his own wife, Maitreyi, on this very truth in the Vedas (sacred Hindu scriptures).
न वा अरे पुत्राणां कामाय पुत्राः प्रिया भवन्त्यात्मनस्तु कामाय पुत्राः प्रिया भवन्ति।
न वा अरे वित्तस्य कामाय वित्तं प्रियं भवन्त्यात्मनस्तु कामाय वित्तं प्रियं भवति।
न वा अरे सर्वस्य कामाय सर्वं प्रियं भवन्त्यात्मनस्तु कामाय सर्वं प्रियं भवति।
आत्मा वा अरे द्रष्टव्यः श्रोतव्यो मन्तव्यो निदिध्यासितव्यो मैत्रेय्यात्मनो वा अरे दर्शनेन श्रवणेन मत्या विज्ञानेनेदं सर्वं विदितम्॥Na vā are putrāṇāṃ kāmāya putrāḥ priyā bhavantātmanastu kāmāya putrāḥ priyā bhavanti.
Na vā are vittasya kāmāya vittaṃ priyaṃ bhavantyātmanastu kāmāya vittaṃ priyaṃ bhavati.
Na vā are sarvasya kāmāya sarvaṃ priyaṃ bhavant ātmanastu kāmāya sarvaṃ priyaṃ bhavati.
Ātmā vā are draṣhṭavyaḥ śhrotavyo mantavyo nididhyāsitavyo maitreyyātmano vā are darśhanena śhravaṇena matyā vigyānenedaṃ sarvaṃ viditam.- Bṛihadāraṇyaka Upaniṣad 4.5.6.
Yagyavalkya is saying,
“It is not for the sake of the husband that the wife loves him, but for the sake of her own happiness. It is not for the sake of the wife that the wife is dear, but for the sake of the self. It is not for the sake of children that children are dear, but for the sake of the self. It is not for the sake of wealth that wealth is dear, but for the sake of the self.”
Everywhere, everything in the world is loved only because we think it can give us happiness. The fact is, no one can love another person for that person’s happiness and pleasure. This is impossible until we ourselves attain that supreme happiness, which is another name for Shree Krishna.
In other words, until we attain God-realization, nobody can love another person for that person’s happiness and pleasure. Before that, everything we do is only for our own happiness, which is swarth (selfishness). And it’s good. Just understand where to find it. Understand what we have to give happiness to.
So, the person who is striving,
“I can love others. I can give happiness to others. I can fulfill the selfishness of others. I can help others,” is like someone doing shram (hard work) with no fruit.
Take rice, for example. Before you get it in the shop to eat it, it is covered by a husk. You take the rice to the mill, and when it is milled, the husk is taken out, and you get the rice to eat. Somebody takes the husk and says,
“I’m going to get fine rice from that again!”
He starts pounding that husk, thinking,
“I can find rice!”
He will only make it into powder, churan (powder). He will never get rice. So, in the same way, if we keep thinking, “I can make others happy,” when we have not made ourselves happy as yet, this is just hard work without any fruit.
First, we have to find our own happiness. Only after finding our own happiness can we give it to somebody else. We ourselves are beggars. What can we give to another beggar?
